we had this huge problem.. but no we can not talk about it

The one issue that scares me most in relationships is communication…. Honestly I have never been in a relationship, but for some reason that I do not personally know, my friends, family and even colleagues consider me their “love doctor” the one who would tell them what to do to get things fixed.. And obviously (for some strange reason) I am good at it and things do get fixed at the end… one issue that I never figured out was the lack of communication between couples, whether married, engaged or even only in a relationship.. I personally always dreamt of being able to have an honest conversation with my significant other and to just pass things out, and from the experience in being in the middle of many fights, I can assure that this dream or wish became a solid requirement in any relationship that I am going to go into, at anytime… people say that I am dreaming and there will always be lies, secrets and manipulations, in the “good” sense, to get things done and keep the water running smoothly; and as a very stubborn person I refuse to go with the flow and keep the promise to myself to have honesty as a rule in my coming relationship… And as a result to that promise I opened a blank page in my sketch book and called it “ the no we can not talk about it page” and I started stating the reasons and how I would wish to get them fixed in my fairytale…

• We cannot talk about it because he/she’ll think I love him so much and that I am making fuzz for no reason, yet I hate what he did….

So would I rather have him doing the same mistake again and me hating it, than to tell him how I really feel in a simple objection. I would just hate what he did, keep it inside and make even a bigger fuzz on the next word he tells me, thought it might not deserve a simple objection and not a fuzz.
Or would I rather tell him how I felt, but he’ll think I love him so much and “madlo2a”, but if I do then he would rather know, either to appreciate it and take care of my fragile heart or just break it now and anyways to be hurt early on the road is much better than near the end.

On the other hand, how would I feel if I sensed that he loves me so much and was sensitive about a small thing, would that make him less of a man or something.. May be for some girls, but for me no, I’ll appreciate that golden heart, and again even if I was one of those other girls would I deserve that golden sensitive heart???..

• We cannot talk about it because he/she will make a huge fight and make it seem like my fault and I do not want “waga3 dimagh’”

So if I went to tell him what is on my mind, he will get upset, have a fight and I will have to fix things and apologize later on, though I was only honest.. then no I’ll just let it pass without saying a word..
But I was told before that problems do not go away by themselves and that I can not just fix things by silence, we have to get to talk and he has to get to listen, or else how would we manage the rest of our lives.. Will we always avoid “waga3 2ldimagh” and just be dishonest, then how would we teach that to our kids.

On the other hand if he came and told me something that made me upset or angry, I admit I might make a fight if it deserves, but on the other hand when I calm down I should not wait for an apology and just go talk about it as an adult.

“waga3 2ldimagh” will always be a part of our couples life, we just need to take our spiritual painkiller pills, sit down and try our best to listen and to find the nearest midway solution to things and if not then compromises does not seem bad, as long as it is based on a clear ground.



• We can not talk about it because he/she will not understand..

If he does not understand what is bothering me, then what am I doing here anyways. I am here to explain to him and try to reach him with any possible way and even if at the end he did not get it, then at least he has the honor of trying, listening and feeling.

And if I am the one who is expected to understand, I should try by all possible ways, ask all the questions I need till I get it, and even if I could not I have to make sure to at least feel it.

In a relationship we will not always be clear or able to totally understand each other, but we shall always work on feeling each other.

• We cannot talk about it because talking will not fix what happened, it might even make it worse.

This line is usually said after a fight about something. I do not think my significant other and me will ever understand a fight without hearing both sides out loud and honestly. Whether this fight is huge or small, this should be the way to get rid of it, by talking it away. Either directly after it “2drab 2l7aded w hwa sokhn” or after things calm. This will always depend on the situation and on both of us.


I am sure there so many other situations and I know that this still seems like a dream, but all I have in defense is admitting that I do dream of that life… I know it will never be that simple and that I will have to lie or manipulate some truths and I am sure that I’ll agree for my other half to do so also, but I hope we could minimize that as much as possible, only to keep the aura of our relationship as clear as possible… I think it can be manageable or I hope it can be manageable… As one day when we grow old together, like really old, our words would be the only things we got to offer each other and I do not want us to discover then that we spent our whole love life running away from those words of our own.


….☺