Sorry Life but I want to LIVE..

at certain moments it may feel like just looking life straight in the eyes and saying.. "i'm sorry but i really want to live"...
this could be my biggest sin and the reason of all my problems with u...
in order to be happy with u.. i should have a good job, get married and have a good life.. i think this is how it all "should" go...
i agree this would be great.. but i want also to live..

i want to have a stable job with a stable income, but won't it be better to have the job i dream of.. and in order to do that i have sometimes to give up that "stability" for prohibition months in another job that might even be the exact one i want... sorry, but i want to live...

I want to be that "respectable"/"descent" person, but i want to go learn "tabla" and play pro one day and also want to learn contemporary dancing and get to do my own musical one day... sorry, but i want to live..

I also want to behave like a girl who is old enough to get married, but could not resist taking that whistling toy in my niece's birthday and play with it... sorry, i know i was the only grown up doing that.. sorry, but i want to live...

I want to meet that one and act like a girl who wants to fall in love.. but i also have no time as i want to build my career, i want to try to take good care of my friends or even c them, i want to c my family.. sorry but i want to live...

I want to behave like a lady who "the one"s parents would like to meet .. but i am not into all that lady look.. i would rather wear my self painted t-shirt... sorry, but i want to live..

i want to fall in love and get married soon.. but i also want to have my own house with a golden retriever and an open space for dancing, music and painting.... sorry, but i want to live..

i want to be a mum and drive my kids to school.. but i am dying to drive a motorcycle one day... sorry, but i want to live..

i want and want and want.. but also, but also and but also...

its so funny how living becomes the one obstacle in wanting to live...

its so funny how complicated it became that living is that different from wanting to live...

i agree that i have to live... but i also have to at least try to live the life i want to live.. that life that i can see and am craving with all my guts...
may be i am wrong and i am giving up life at the exact moment that i think i am wanting to live.
may b i was wrong giving up that secured marriage opportunity for wanting another opportunity that might give me life and not just a wedding ring...
may b i was wrong giving up that secured high salary job for another job that have not even come yet... another job that might give me life and not just few hundreds...
may b i wrong and wrong and wrong...

but also i cannot help it.. I WANT TO LIVE.... even if that craving for life means going against life itself... i am not giving up...

may b life tells me at a moment that i was wrong... but that craving tells me i was never more right.... and even if the situations change later but back then i knew it.. i wanted to live...

sorry life, but i want to live and so i won't stop and just accept not even for u, the one thing i truly crave...